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Top Ten Things in My Life That Are Giving Me Anxiety

17 Mar

1. The unfinished photo project in my hallway.

2. The unfinished baby clothing organization project.

3. The unfinished plant potting project on my doorstep (do you notice a trend here?).

4. This mysterious worm I found in my bathroom last night. I also found one in Emma’s room. We’ve had enough worms thankyouverymuch.

5. This pile of unread mail (aka: unopened bills).

6. This pile of laundry. At least it’s clean?

7. This pile of things I need to sell on Craigslist (notice another trend here?).

8. Voicemails, emails, my google reader, Facebook, Twitter, etc, etc, etc…

9. Emma’s impending summer vacation (aka: both kids at home with me 24/7).

10. That little “radioactive plume” that’s floating around in the atmosphere right now. Oh, and the thousands and thousands of people who were affected by the tsunami, and the nuclear power plants that are (possibly) melting down. Just stuff like that.

Tell me: What’s giving you anxiety these days?

Did you catch my announcement about Dr. Mom Mondays? Don’t forget to email your Dr. Mom question to morgan(at)thelittlehenhouse(dot)com.

Housekeeping

28 Feb

I did some housekeeping on ye olde blog this weekend and I thought I would share some of the updates with you:

  • The chickens have their own blog. Yes, I know. It wasn’t my idea. They basically bitched and moaned and wore me down until I finally caved in and gave them a cyber space of their own. It’s called Ruling the Roost.
  • I have a professional blog now too. I’m trying to be all legit and stuff.
  • Finally, here is a link to an article I wrote about trying to track down some Girl Scout cookies. Don’t worry. I was finally able to secure some and they’ve been devoured. I’m just trying to do my job as a supporter of the youth, you know?

If you manage to find your way over to my two new blogs, could you let me know if anything looks wonky? I’ve been staring at my screen for the last three hours straight and I’m not sure I can read English anymore. Thanks guys!

How was your weekend? Have any of your own news to share with me?

A Glimpse Of My Saturday Morning

15 Nov


Baby: Wakes up. 5:45 am

Me: Ungh. Coffee. Now.

Emma: Pancakes. NOW.

Husband: Makes pancakes (from scratch).

Me: Resist urge to smother him with kisses (morning breath).

Baby: Cry, cry, cry.

Me: Nurse, nurse, nurse.

Baby: Sleep, sleep, sleep.

Me: Sigh.

Emma: Juice, movie, more syrup, spill juice, string cheese, new movie, pee pee, blocks, more syrup.

Me: Clean, wipe, drink, clean, wipe, drink.

Emma: Art project. NOW.

Me: Get my craft-on.

Emma: Assembles birthday card.

Me: Clean up. Crap- how did construction paper get glued to the floor?

Husband: Washing dishes.

Me: Resist urge to smother with kisses (coffee/morning breath).

Baby: Cry, cry, cry.

Me: Feed, feed, feed.

Emma: Poo poo, dress ups, spill juice.

Me: Wipe, wipe, wipe.

Husband: “Do I have any clean underwear?”

Me: Resist urge to kill.

Husband: Shower, get dressed, check emails.

Me: Run the bath. Bathe the children. Wash hair. Trim nails. Dry off. Comb hair. Dress both.

Baby: Cry, cry, cry.

Me: Nurse, nurse, nurse.

Emma: String Cheese. NOW.

Me: In jammies, morning breath, greasy face, milky shirt. 10:30 am.

Husband: “I don’t know if we are going to make it to the birthday party by 11.”

Me: Resist urge to kill.

Emma: Pee pee.

Me: Hop in shower. Debate importance of washing hair and shaving legs. Shave legs. No time for hair. Brush teeth. Wash face. Dry off.

Emma: “Mommy!!! I’m ready to go! NOW.”

Me: Resist urge to crawl back into bed and pull covers over head.

Emma: “Mommy!!!”

Me: Assess wardrobe. Please tell me I have a clean shirt. Find “fancy t-shirt” in drawer. Yesss.

Emma: “Mommy!!!”

Me: Look in mirror. Crap- I need a lip wax. Pluck, pluck, pluck. Crap- I need a brow wax too. Pluck, pluck, pluck.

Everyone: Pile in car. Buckle kids in carseats. Grab snacks. And sweaters. Grab gift. And card. Apply chapstick. Take breath. 10:57 am.

Me: Ponder whether or not coffee is suitable breakfast food. Decide yes.

Everyone: Arrive at party. 11:12 am.

Me: Marvel at my “punctuality”. Look down. Orange stain streaked over front of shirt. Crap.

How was everyone else’s weekend?

It Feels Like Monday

8 Nov

Hey there people of the interweb. It’s Monday. Did anyone else’s kids get up at the crack of dawn? Please, someone explain to me why we continue to practice Daylight Savings Time (that’s a rhetorical question BTW). It surely must be only to torture the mothers of small children.

In between doing massive amounts of laundry, performing tap water enemas on my children, and obsessively spraying Lysol  on every surface in my house I’ve been doing a little housekeeping on the blog. You can read the story behind all the cleaning here.

I can’t believe that I forgot to share this little tid bit with you guys. Do you remember my apology letter to Sophie the Giraffe? (see it here) Well, this really quirky girl named Claire emailed me and asked if she could re-post it on her blog. I told her no problem and kind of put it out of my mind. Well, I finally got around to checking her blog out, and get this- it’s an entire blog dedicated to her love of Sophie the Giraffe.

You can see my post on her blog here.

It’s like the weirdest coolest thing I have seen in a while. Now, I’m fairly certain that she’s approaching her blog with a bit of sarcasm (Dear god, I hope she is). Either way, it’s best to read it that way.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

The Time of My Life

3 Nov

I just got back from ten fabulous days at my parent’s house in the San Juan Islands. I’m bringing home so many memories and I wanted to share some of them with you.

Here is the view of the sunrise from my parent’s deck. Isn’t it amazing? I woke up to this image for ten glorious mornings:

I took the girls on several nature walks. The deciduous trees were all loosing their leaves. It’s a novelty for Southern Californians to see the trees changing:

 

 

We picked mushrooms along the side of the road:

We finally got some good use out of those Hello Kitty rain boots:

We did a little pumpkin carving:

And we even had a surprise visitor:

Meet the newest member of the family: Enterobius vermicularis. Otherwise known as the Pinworm.

You know, there’s nothing like a family vacation (11 people visisting in all) and an intestinal parasite to bring you all a little closer together because:

Sharing is sitting down at the breakfast table and informing everyone that you may have infected them with a parasitic worm.

Teamwork is helping hold down the children so you can perform a tap water enema on them in hopes to flush some of the worms from their colon.

Bonding is everyone raising their glasses to toast just before downing a dose of Pin-X in unison.

Closeness is sharing a singular toilet with an unknown number of people that may or may not have a pinworm infestation.

Laughter is listening in on the phone call to my husband in which I ask him if he’s itched his anus lately.

And finally, seeing a pinworm crawl out of your daughter’s rectum, bob its head around like a dancing cobra, and then slip back in? Well, that’s the stuff memories are made of.

 

Editor’s note: The icing on the cake was coming home to a broken washing machine. Those of you who are familiar with pinworms know that everything, including linens, must be washed daily. I may as well just burn the house down.

Fellow writers: I just came across a contest titled, “That stinks! But the Arm and Hammer diaper pail by Munchkin doesn’t!” I’m submitting this piece in hopes to win. Because loosing your washer in the middle of a pinworm infestation really, really stinks. No voting is necessary. Check out their Facebook page if you want to submit your own stinky story.

If you submit a story, you are entering a contest for a Arm and Hammer diaper pail by Munchkin. A winner is picked every day. Additionally, the grand prize winner receives free housecleaning for a year! If that doesn’t get your creative juices flowing, then I don’t know what will.

BTW- if you win and I loose, a kitten doesn’t make it to heaven. Good luck!

The Poo Poo is Not in the Potty

27 Sep

Meet my nemesis:

I hate you- you stupid, smelly, ugly toddler potty. I’m sick of cleaning you upwards of ten times a day. You smell. You make me want to vomit- especially when you are full of nasty stinky toddler poops. I hope you die a slow and painful death that includes fire, tarantulas, razor blades, and Barney tunes.

Phew! I feel better now.

So, I guess you know where this is going. It’s time to ditch the toddler potty. So, I bought one of these:

It seemed like a reasonable compromise. Emma did not think so. She hated it. She refused to use it. Well, actually, she used it to go pee on the big toilet. Big whoop. Cleaning a little pee pee out of a toddler potty isn’t so bad. It’s the big stinking turds that I have a problem with. But, I don’t care what she thinks because I took a stand. The toddler potty is out of here.

How did she react? By going on a poop strike, of course.

At day one , I wasn’t too worried. She doesn’t always poop every day. By day two, I was expecting her to cave. “Go ahead and try to hold it in girlfriend,” I told her. “There is only one way that poo poo is coming out.” By day three, I started to get paranoid.

If history likes to repeat itself, and you know it does, there was a very good chance that Emma’s poop was going to end up on the floor, and not in the toilet. We’ve been down this path before.

I started watching her like a hawk. I knew she was trying to get out of my sight so she could wander into a dark corner of the house a drop a deuce, but it was not going to happen. Not on my watch.

We managed to make it the entire day without any poop on the floor, but we didn’t get any in the toilet either. When my husband came home from work, I gave him an update on the poop strike, and headed to my bedroom to nurse the baby. Emma followed, as she always does, and played with a basket of toys I keep for her on the floor at the foot of my bed.

I realized about ten minutes later that I hadn’t heard anything from her. I called for her. She was totally M.I.A. Then, I smelled it. Oh yes, there was feces, human feces, somewhere in my room. I frantically started calling for my husband. “Get in here!” I yelled. “You have got to find the poop and get it out of here! I’m dying! I’m going to barf! Hurry, hurry!”

He walked in the room and started searching for the elusive poo poo. It only took him about a minute to find it. You know why? It was RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED. In order to give you the most accurate account of the story, I have included an image:

I know it’s gross. I had to do it. Sorry.  Just so you can fully understand what I’m talking about, do you see that brown fabric in the lower left hand corner of the photo? That’s my EFFING BED SKIRT! OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. Thank god I didn’t step in it.

What was she thinking? I cannot believe she walked right next to my bed, squatted down, and took a dump like six inches from me. Plus, how did I not hear her? That girl has some amazing ninja-like pooping skills, I tell you.

So, the toddler potty has made a re-appearance.

The score:

Toddler Potty: 1

Me: 0

I will destroy you, Toddler Potty. You are going down. This is not over.

Stay tuned.

You can read about how this all got started here: The Poo Poo Goes in the Potty

I’ve Got the Urge to Purge: De-clutter Challenge

23 Sep

My house is going to consume me. One day I’m going to wake up and not be able to find my way out of here. Ok, I’m exaggerating a bit.

I get this feeling every couple of years. Basically, I feel like burning the house down along with everything inside of it. I am sick of having stuff. There is too much of it. I look around and all I want to do is put everything in black plastic garbage bags, set it out for the Goodwill to pick up, and forget it ever existed.

I think I am feeling this way for two reasons- Emma and Annie. How such little people need so much stuff is beyond me. It’s the bouncy chair, Bumbo seat, high chair, Pottery Barn Kids lounger, toddler table- what is with all the seating arrangements?

Then we’ve got the dolls, puzzles, farm animals, bouncing balls, music makers, building blocks, art supplies, tea party sets, Disney Princess paraphanalia, teethers… Can you feel me? It’s all going to come crashing down in a hail storm of Barbie shoes, dress ups, fake food, stuffed animals, and plastic jewelry. Something needs to be done.

Enter: Maryline’s Tuesday De-Clutter blog hop over on Franco-American Dream! Yay! Maryline has been dealing with the same issues I have and she has slowly been de-cluttering her house for the past couple of weeks. Every week she documents her progress, gives out advice on what she learned, and invites other bloggers to join in with her. So, I’m in!

My first project was to go through our books. My husband and I love to read and we have a thing about holding on to books. We adore book stores. We peruse the aisles, admiring new titles, and pausing to read exerpts from interesting finds. We can never leave without purchasing at least one book.

The thing is, once it’s been read, what is the point of holding on to a book if we don’t have any intention of ever reading it again? Plus, almost anything can be found on the internet so there really isn’t a reason to hold onto our old text books (which are WAY outdated anyway) or reference guides.

So, we decided that it was finally time to tackle our over-crowded and dusty bookshelves. Well, once we got motivated, things moved really quickly. Take a look at all the books piled up on the couch and chairs.

Amazing right? Well, once we got through everything we kind of lost steam. Plus, I had a bout with mastitis and I’ve been trying to rest more and take better care of myself. Fast forward two weeks later and things look exactly the same. Well, actually, things are a little different. You see, I keep going through the piles of books and putting certain favorites back on the shelves. Ack!

So here is my progress and de-cluttering lesson for the week:

Progress: none. De-cluttering Lesson: Once you go through the crap, get rid of it and never look back. And actually, that’s a lesson we can apply to pretty much every part of our lives.

Fellow bloggers: Get motivated and join Maryline on her de-clutter challenge!
Declutter Tuesday

Mommyhood Memos

20 Jul

In an attempt to up my blogging skills I am participating in a Blog Hop. I don’t think I totally understand what it is, but I’m just going to go for it. I am enjoying the blogging, but I sort of feel like my head is going to explode if I put any more information in it.

This one was started by Adriel from The Mommyhood Memos. Click on the thumbnail below if any of you other mommy bloggers want to get involved.

You know your life has changed when….

You can feed and outfit your family entirely from the contents of your car.

The Mommyhood Memos

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