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So, You Think You Can Potty Dance?

8 Mar

There’s nothing like potty training to motivate you to totally geek out for your kid. Case in point- The Potty Dance. In my house, The Potty Dance goes like this: Pick any children’s song, change the words to pertain to anything potty, and dance around like you’ve had 15 cups of coffee and 4 Diet Cokes. Doesn’t my life sound glamorous?

Before I go any further, I have to be 100% honest here: Pull Ups contacted me and asked if I wanted to write about their Potty Dance Party. Wait! You guys should know by now that I’m naturally wary of PR related blogs and I wouldn’t write about something unless I totally thought it was worth your while, so bear with me here. Plus, there’s some free stuff in it for you guys. See? Sometimes reading my blog really does pay off!

Well, I checked out the Potty Dance Party info at The Pull Ups website and there was some really great info on there. There are tons of free resources to help parents get their kids interested in using the potty. There is a free dowloadable potty progress chart, an iGo Potty app, and you can even request a free Big Kid potty training DVD. If there’s one thing I know: mom’s like free stuff- especially if it motivates our little guys to get that poo poo in the potty, and NOT on the floor like someone’s little girl did once. *cough*

You know what else I learned at the Pull Ups website? There is an official Potty Dance. Apparently, I have been doing it all wrong. They have a pretty sweet video of Ralph’s World performing the official Potty Dance, and while I’d like to think MY potty dance is in the spirit of “interpretive” dance, the Pull Ups Potty Dance has way more mainstream appeal. I mean, the kids on the video are crazy for it-even the parents are getting into it.

This is the best part:

I have to tell you about something else super cool. Pull Ups has a Facebook page, and you guys can go on there and ask for potty training tips. Dr. Gwenn, a pediatrician, mom, and Pull-Ups Potty training parter, is available to answer all your tough potty training questions. I had the opportunity to participate in a conference call where she answered a bunch of real-life potty training questions and she was amazing! I learned a ton of really interesting information like: constipation can lead to potty training issues because a backed up colon puts pressure on the bladder. Totally gross but equally fascinating, right? She’s very real and honest and she doesn’t shove a bunch of Pull Ups jargon down your throat. She actually answers questions with real responses. How refreshing!

Ready for more free stuff?

For all my Southern California friends: Pull Ups is having a Potty Dance Party at the San Diego Zoo on Wednesday, March 23rd from 10-11:30am. The event is totally free with San Diego Zoo admission. There will be a performance from Ralph’s World (awesome!) and more  The tent has a 500 person capacity; first come, first admitted. You know I’ll be there, so come hang out with me!

Once last chance for free stuff!

I’m giving away one Pull-Ups Potty Dance Party Pack. It’s full of fun potty training gear for your Big Kid plus coupons for Pull-Ups. Leave a comment below and consider yourself entered. The giveaway will end on Friday, March 11th 2011, so get those comments in!

“Pull-Ups® training pants provided product, incentives and a reader giveaway for me to attend the Potty Dance Party. However, my opinions on the product and The Potty Dance experience are entirely my own and I have not been paid to publish positive sentiments towards Pull-Ups® or their products.”

A Survey of the Most Ridiculous Baby Products

20 Jan

Here is my most recent post for The Baby Gizmo Company. It is featured on the Baby Gizmo website and their blog “Rated by Mom.”

It’s time for my favorite post of the year: The Baby Gizmo Annual Survey of Ridiculous Baby Products!

You know how much we love baby gear and the more innovative and practical the better. In our search for the best baby gear on the planet, we’ve come across a few things that have made us go, “Huh?!?!” These might not be the most brilliant inventions, but they will certainly get a good laugh.

Zaky Pillow

The Zaky Pillow has made the list again, as it is undeniably one of the creepier baby products on the market. I cannot imagine how startling it would be to check on your sleeping baby only to discover a giant pair of disembodied muppet hands cradling him or her.

The Baby Bangs Hairband

This is, and I quote, “for the girl who has everything except hair.” If the baby girl you are shopping for truly has so much that you need to stoop as low as buying a wig for her, might I suggest making a charitable contribution in her name to a children’s organization instead? Just sayin’.

Thudguard Infant Safety Hat

Not even putting puppy ears on this contraption is going to make it cute. Nice try though. Also, way to capitalize on the natural fear and apprehension every parent feels when their baby becomes mobile. Note: There are specialized helmets made for children with actual medical conditions. This is marketed towards average children.

Nosefrida Nasal Aspirator

In case the picture doesn’t explain it for you, the parent is supposed to suck the snot from their baby’s nose via a small plastic tube. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

The Daddle- A Saddle for Dads

Without running the risk of being offensive, I’m just going to say this: The “Daddle” looks more like something that belongs in the closet and is only brought out once the children have gone to bed. Nuff said.

Baby High Heels

No infant’s wardrobe is complete until she has the perfect pair of heels. You can add these to her collection of baby Spanx, baby miniskirts, and baby push up bras. I just hope they come with a pair of baby orthotics too.

Potty Mitts

This is the perfect item for the future little germaphobe. Forget the customary post-potty hand washing. Potty mitts take sanitary bathroom habits to the next level.

Toddler Tracker

This handy tracking device removes the inconvenience of having to actually watch your children. Outings to the park just got a lot more fun- for you! Now, where did I put that People Magazine?

Pacifier Thermometer and Medicine Dispenser

Good luck getting your screaming infant to suck on this long enough to get an accurate temperature read. Oh, and you can forget about tricking them into sucking the medicine out of it too.

Baby Bubadoo Changing Wrap

Really? Is it that hard to change a diaper?

My Pee Pee Bottle

No, your eyes aren’t fooling you. It’s a bottle. For pee pee. Please don’t buy this. The risk of confusing it for a water filled bottle is too great.

The Baby Snuggie by Peekaru

Listen, all mothers make certain fashion sacrifices in the name of comfort. We have to draw the line somewhere. This is inexcusable.

The Babykeeper Basic

There are no words.

Baby Perfume

There’s a reason everyone talks about how good babies smell, and it isn’t because they are wearing perfume.

Breastfeeding Bra for Men

Nooooo! My eyes, my eyes! I’m all for hand-on dads, but this is taking things a little too far. Good thing it’s a joke. Gotcha!

Moms- what are some of the most ridiculous products that you’ve discovered?

The Poo Poo is Not in the Potty

27 Sep

Meet my nemesis:

I hate you- you stupid, smelly, ugly toddler potty. I’m sick of cleaning you upwards of ten times a day. You smell. You make me want to vomit- especially when you are full of nasty stinky toddler poops. I hope you die a slow and painful death that includes fire, tarantulas, razor blades, and Barney tunes.

Phew! I feel better now.

So, I guess you know where this is going. It’s time to ditch the toddler potty. So, I bought one of these:

It seemed like a reasonable compromise. Emma did not think so. She hated it. She refused to use it. Well, actually, she used it to go pee on the big toilet. Big whoop. Cleaning a little pee pee out of a toddler potty isn’t so bad. It’s the big stinking turds that I have a problem with. But, I don’t care what she thinks because I took a stand. The toddler potty is out of here.

How did she react? By going on a poop strike, of course.

At day one , I wasn’t too worried. She doesn’t always poop every day. By day two, I was expecting her to cave. “Go ahead and try to hold it in girlfriend,” I told her. “There is only one way that poo poo is coming out.” By day three, I started to get paranoid.

If history likes to repeat itself, and you know it does, there was a very good chance that Emma’s poop was going to end up on the floor, and not in the toilet. We’ve been down this path before.

I started watching her like a hawk. I knew she was trying to get out of my sight so she could wander into a dark corner of the house a drop a deuce, but it was not going to happen. Not on my watch.

We managed to make it the entire day without any poop on the floor, but we didn’t get any in the toilet either. When my husband came home from work, I gave him an update on the poop strike, and headed to my bedroom to nurse the baby. Emma followed, as she always does, and played with a basket of toys I keep for her on the floor at the foot of my bed.

I realized about ten minutes later that I hadn’t heard anything from her. I called for her. She was totally M.I.A. Then, I smelled it. Oh yes, there was feces, human feces, somewhere in my room. I frantically started calling for my husband. “Get in here!” I yelled. “You have got to find the poop and get it out of here! I’m dying! I’m going to barf! Hurry, hurry!”

He walked in the room and started searching for the elusive poo poo. It only took him about a minute to find it. You know why? It was RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED. In order to give you the most accurate account of the story, I have included an image:

I know it’s gross. I had to do it. Sorry.  Just so you can fully understand what I’m talking about, do you see that brown fabric in the lower left hand corner of the photo? That’s my EFFING BED SKIRT! OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. Thank god I didn’t step in it.

What was she thinking? I cannot believe she walked right next to my bed, squatted down, and took a dump like six inches from me. Plus, how did I not hear her? That girl has some amazing ninja-like pooping skills, I tell you.

So, the toddler potty has made a re-appearance.

The score:

Toddler Potty: 1

Me: 0

I will destroy you, Toddler Potty. You are going down. This is not over.

Stay tuned.

You can read about how this all got started here: The Poo Poo Goes in the Potty

The Poo Poo Goes in the Potty

14 Jul

Well, Emma has been using the potty now for almost three weeks and it’s going really well. In fact, she hasn’t had an accident in almost two weeks. By accident, I mean she hasn’t pooped in her underwear. The pee pee has never been an issue. It’s the poop. After several days of scrubbing poo poo off her Princess panties (I will never look at Cinderella the same) I knew I needed to come up with a game plan.

Emma is a sucker for cheap toys that break within a day of purchasing them, so I went to Target and loaded up on junk from the dollar bins. I took the toys home and put them in a really cute pink basket. I call this our “Poop Basket”. I told Emma that every time she pooped in her potty she could pick a toy out of the Poop Basket. And you know what, it worked like a charm! Who knew? All she needed was a Dora notepad and some Cat in the Hat stickers to put a little poo poo in that pink potty of hers.

I thought that would be the hardest part of this whole potty training thing, but you know what I’m really struggling with? It’s the acting. It’s not her, it’s me. I’m having a really hard time getting excited about the poo poo in the potty. You know why? It’s totally disgusting. I feel bad because Emma is so proud of herself and she gets quite impressed when she drops the kids off at the pool. I just can’t seem to muster up the same level of excitement that she does when the deed is done.

I cannot tell you how sick to my stomach I get when she gets up and proudly exclaims, “There is poo poo in my potty!”. Ug. It smells. It looks so gross. And then I have to take it to the toilet, flush it down, and clean out the bowl. It really, really makes me want to barf. The whole time I have to put a smile on, jump up and down, and act genuinely thrilled by the whole process. They should come up with acting classes for moms to make the whole charade a little less painful. I’m serious too.

So, yesterday I was nursing Annie on my bed and Emma was in the kitchen playing. I heard her little feet pounding down the hall and she was yelling, “Do you want to see the poop in my potty?” All I could think was, “NO!”. I told her I would be in there in a minute, but it was too late. There she was, standing by my bed, with the bowl from the potty in her hands. OMG. My mind started racing. How did she get it out of the potty? How long has it been in her possession? And, worse, how big of mess did she make? (it turns out she removed it very carefully and without incident) There, inside her little bowl was the biggest turd I have ever seen and it was floating in a massive pool of urine. Oh man, I think I deserve an Oscar nomination.

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