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Dear Starbucks, Are We Still Friends?

15 Mar

Starbucks has unveiled its latest petite sugar bomb: The Cake Pop. Be still my beating heart.

Dear Starbucks,

A little birdie told me something: You are offering a new epicurean delight to your customers. It’s called a cake pop, but you already knew that, didn’t you?

I made a special trip to your fancy, recently remodeled location on Orange Avenue for a taste of this delicious goodness, and what did I find? Nothing. There was not a cake pop in sight.

Did you really think you could get away with this? Did you think I wouldn’t notice the considerable lack of cake pops in your shiny display case? Do you not know me at all?

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and forgive the oversight. Maybe there was some sort of disaster in your cake pop factory, which resulted in a cake pop shortage. It’s also possible that the cake pop truck overturned on the highway during its scheduled cake pop delivery. Or maybe, just maybe, a band of cake pop thieves intercepted the cake pop drop-off and they are being sold on the black market. Anything is possible when it comes to cake pops.

I don’t want this little incident to come between us, but just so you know: I’ll be back. You better not let this happen again. Or else.

Lots of Love,


This post can also be seen at my weekly lifestyle column, “Following the Yellow Brick Road” at Coronado Patch.

The Requisite First Birthday Birth Story Post

2 Mar

It’s official: Annie is a year old. Her birthday was on Saturday and we celebrated by having a few friends over for tacos and cupcakes. It was about 95% less work than Emma’s insane first birthday bash and I think I had a better time. NOTE TO ALL YOU NEW PARENTS: Do not spend a lot of time, money, or energy on your child’s first birthday. All you really need to do is take pictures of them eating cake and you will still get an A+ in the birthday portion of the life test known as “Motherhood”.

The entire day of Annie’s first birthday I was trying to recall the events surrounding her birth. Can I be honest here? I don’t remember that much of it. She was just over three weeks early, I had been in and out of the hospital a few times with early labor, and it’s hard to distinguish the hospital visits from each other. I thought I best write down what I know about that day now for future reference.

I know not everyone is as fascinated by my child’s birth as I am, so don’t feel bad if you don’t feel like reading this one. It’s not really for you guys anyway. It’s something I hope to read to Annie one day. *tear*

The Day Anne Margaret was Born: February 26, 2010

Here you are inside my belly four days before you were born:











Crazy, right?

The day you were born Emma and I went to the zoo. I remember someone asking me when you were coming and I replied, “Any day now!” Boy, was I right! That afternoon I started to feel some contractions. I had been having them almost the entire time I was pregnant with you, but the doctors were able to stop them. I was actually kind of annoyed that the contractions were starting up again because going to the hospital is kind of a pain. Instead of waiting it out, and risking the potential of going to the emergency room in the middle of the night, I decided to go to the hospital to get things checked out while it was still early in the day. Your dad was home from work early (it was Friday) and he watched Emma while I ran down there.

The doctors tried and tried to get the contractions to stop, but they just wouldn’t let up. They finally decided that your birthday had arrived. Your dad dropped Emma off at Mimi and Papa’s and he came down to the hospital to be with me. While we were waiting for the doctor to come, your heart rate suddenly dropped. The machines they had me hooked up to started beeping like crazy and the nurses were rushing around all over the place. A bunch of them rolled my bed right out of Triage and took me right up to labor and delivery. When we got up there, your heart rate went back to normal, which was such a relief. We were really freaked out though!

The doctor came about an hour later and the nurses prepared me for my c-section. You see, Emma was a c-section (she was a breech 9 lb baby) so that meant you were also going to be delivered via c-section. It all happened really fast. I actually don’t remember much of that part. But here you are being born:

Here you are again:

I love this picture so much.

As soon as you came out Daddy started shouting, “She looks just like Emma! Oh my gosh- she looks just like Emma!” That later proved to not be true, but you did look like her- for about five minutes.

This is me on drugs. I know I look happy here, but that’s because I love you- NOT because of the drugs. DRUGS ARE BAD.

Here you are being measured and weighed. You were 7 lbs 2 oz, which is a really good size for a 36 weeker. Considering your sister was 9 lbs, this wasn’t really a huge surprise.

Look at your little chicken legs!

This is how I remember you looking the day you were born:

The nurses and the NICU team started working on you because you weren’t breathing that well. You were early and your lungs weren’t fully functioning. They decided that you needed some extra help, so they took you down to the NICU. You got intubated, which I thankfully never had to see, while I was in the recovery room resting up. When I had recovered from the anesthesia, they wheeled me down to you and I got a chance to nurse you for the first time. You were pretty sleepy and not super interested in eating. That changed quickly though.

Both of us were in the hospital for the next three days. You stayed in the NICU and I was upstairs. I came down every three hours to feed you. You were a really great nurser. You ended up getting a septic infection while you were down there and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. They gave you two spinal taps and a round of antibiotics. Here you are in the NICU. How cute are you:

You recovered quickly and they let us go home together. Seeing all the tiny and sick babies in the NICU gave me a new appreciation for you. I am so lucky that you got better so fast and that I was able to take you home with me.

Here you are the day we went home:

And here you are meeting your sister for the first time. Seriously? This one makes me cry every time I look at it:

And now look at you:

My darling baby girl: you are one of the brightest lights in my life. What would life be like without you? Thank you for making my days full of laughter, snuggles, kisses, games, hugs, and giggles. Happy birthday!

Wordless Wednesday: Can She Just Be Three and a Half Forever?

23 Feb

So, This One Time I Bought Some Chickens….

22 Feb

It’s official. We own chickens. Four of them. Meet the girls:

Saturday morning I woke up and thought to myself, “We are going to buy some chickens today.” And so we did.

There is a feed store about 40 minutes away that sells young hens that are already laying eggs. Most of the other stores I contacted only sell baby chicks, and well, considering I already have two baby chicks (and a husband) to take care of, the thought of mothering four baby chicks sort of put me over the edge. It also takes chicks about seven months to start laying eggs, and considering the fact that I don’t even like waiting for the laundry to dry, I decided to go for instant gratification.

It was a totally surreal experience- buying the chickens. We just drove to the feed store, asked for four hens, the clerk put them in a box, and then we drove away. The entire transaction lasted about ten minutes. I couldn’t help but think it was about as anti-climactic as losing your virginity. I kept trying to ask the clerk questions and engage him in conversation, but he was totally over me. I even felt compelled to give him my email address in case he wanted to keep in touch or see how the chickens were doing down the road. I felt bonded to this poor guy and he couldn’t wait to get me out of his store so he could take a smoke break.

I’m sure you are all wondering about the names. Emma wanted to name one of the hens “Kitty”. Ok- no problem. I wanted to name one “Lulu”, after a character in one of Emma’s favorite books Goodnight Lulu. Whitney was set on “Dagny”, one of the main characters in Atlas Shrugged. He actually wanted to give that name to the baby before she was born (he got a big hell-to-the-no from me on that one), so I conceded and let him give the name to one of the chickens. All things considered, that was very generous of me. Don’t you think?

We couldn’t really settle on a fourth name. Emma wanted to name the fourth chicken “Emma”, but since there is a good chance we might eat these chickens one day, I just couldn’t get on board with that. Whitney didn’t really care, so I named the fourth one “Sunny” after my great-aunt. I’m sure you are all asking yourselves, “What is with “Gnocchi” then?” Oh, I am too my friends. You see, Emma is stuck on watching this Curious George cartoon and one of the cats in the show is named “Gnocchi.” Despite explaining to her over and over that the fourth chicken is named “Sunny”, she insists on calling it “Gnocchi”. It seems that the fourth hen is destined to be named after Italian dumplings, so “Gnocchi” it is.

Once we decided on the names, it took a few days for us to assign them to the hens. I have to admit- they are hard to tell apart. Gnocchi has more white feathers than the others, Lulu has a lighter neck, Kitty has a redder neck, and Dagne is lighter all around. I’m glad I’ll have this post and the photo collage as a reference for later. It’s all a bit much to keep track of.

I could go on and on about what life is like at The Little Hen House right now, but I know you guys are all busy. If you want to keep tabs on the hens I’ve dedicated a page on the blog to them. You can find it here- The Literal Hen House. I’ll periodically update it with ramblings about poop, feral cats, broken eggs, and my various misadventures in urban farming. Don’t worry- I won’t be offended if you don’t read it. It’s not for everyone.

Well, enough about my weekend. What did you all do?

Wordless Wednesday: One Cool Chick

2 Feb

You know I had to buy this for my hen house.

Rachael from Tales From the Village found it for me here. You should read her blog. I want to get all “Single White Female” on her and steal her life. Follow her on Facebook. She just finished writing an amazing novel, so you can say you knew her when.

Wordless Wednesday: My Hen House

26 Jan

Look what I found on Craigslist. My dad is picking it up for me right now. It’s a big day here at The Little Hen House.

Top Ten Things That Are Cheaper Than Therapy

24 Jan

Photo courtesy of "The Far Side". 1. Wine. Unless you drink too much of it. Then you will have to pay extra for an emergency phone session.

2.Blogs and coffee.

3. A pair of jeans that make your ass look really great.

4. Naps.

5. Hiring someone to clean your house.

6. Looking up YouTube videos of baby hedgehogs.

7. A $15 dollar mani/pedi that includes a 10 minute massage (email me if you want the name of the place).

8. Dropping your toddler off at the Ikea babysitting room and then spending an hour reading a magazine in the cafeteria.

9. Watching the “American Idol” tryouts.

10. Google images of “awkward pregnancy pictures” – trust me.

What else is cheaper than therapy?

Summer in January

21 Jan

I took this photo last Sunday- don't hate.

I’m re-directing you over to Coronado Patch today. The weekly post for my lifestyle blog “Following the Yellow Brick Road” is up. I have to warn you though: there’s some serious gloating going on over there about the amazing weather we’ve been having.

You may want to read my post for the following reasons: 1. You live here and will enjoy taking part in the boasting, 2. You live in a cold and snow-covered climate and need to escape- if only for a few minutes in your mind, or 3. Your spirit is as bitter as your winter weather and you need a reason to hate Southern Californians even more. Either way, stop by and leave a comment.

Have a great weekend everyone!

You can read my post “Summer in January” here.

A Survey of the Most Ridiculous Baby Products

20 Jan

Here is my most recent post for The Baby Gizmo Company. It is featured on the Baby Gizmo website and their blog “Rated by Mom.”

It’s time for my favorite post of the year: The Baby Gizmo Annual Survey of Ridiculous Baby Products!

You know how much we love baby gear and the more innovative and practical the better. In our search for the best baby gear on the planet, we’ve come across a few things that have made us go, “Huh?!?!” These might not be the most brilliant inventions, but they will certainly get a good laugh.

Zaky Pillow

The Zaky Pillow has made the list again, as it is undeniably one of the creepier baby products on the market. I cannot imagine how startling it would be to check on your sleeping baby only to discover a giant pair of disembodied muppet hands cradling him or her.

The Baby Bangs Hairband

This is, and I quote, “for the girl who has everything except hair.” If the baby girl you are shopping for truly has so much that you need to stoop as low as buying a wig for her, might I suggest making a charitable contribution in her name to a children’s organization instead? Just sayin’.

Thudguard Infant Safety Hat

Not even putting puppy ears on this contraption is going to make it cute. Nice try though. Also, way to capitalize on the natural fear and apprehension every parent feels when their baby becomes mobile. Note: There are specialized helmets made for children with actual medical conditions. This is marketed towards average children.

Nosefrida Nasal Aspirator

In case the picture doesn’t explain it for you, the parent is supposed to suck the snot from their baby’s nose via a small plastic tube. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

The Daddle- A Saddle for Dads

Without running the risk of being offensive, I’m just going to say this: The “Daddle” looks more like something that belongs in the closet and is only brought out once the children have gone to bed. Nuff said.

Baby High Heels

No infant’s wardrobe is complete until she has the perfect pair of heels. You can add these to her collection of baby Spanx, baby miniskirts, and baby push up bras. I just hope they come with a pair of baby orthotics too.

Potty Mitts

This is the perfect item for the future little germaphobe. Forget the customary post-potty hand washing. Potty mitts take sanitary bathroom habits to the next level.

Toddler Tracker

This handy tracking device removes the inconvenience of having to actually watch your children. Outings to the park just got a lot more fun- for you! Now, where did I put that People Magazine?

Pacifier Thermometer and Medicine Dispenser

Good luck getting your screaming infant to suck on this long enough to get an accurate temperature read. Oh, and you can forget about tricking them into sucking the medicine out of it too.

Baby Bubadoo Changing Wrap

Really? Is it that hard to change a diaper?

My Pee Pee Bottle

No, your eyes aren’t fooling you. It’s a bottle. For pee pee. Please don’t buy this. The risk of confusing it for a water filled bottle is too great.

The Baby Snuggie by Peekaru

Listen, all mothers make certain fashion sacrifices in the name of comfort. We have to draw the line somewhere. This is inexcusable.

The Babykeeper Basic

There are no words.

Baby Perfume

There’s a reason everyone talks about how good babies smell, and it isn’t because they are wearing perfume.

Breastfeeding Bra for Men

Nooooo! My eyes, my eyes! I’m all for hand-on dads, but this is taking things a little too far. Good thing it’s a joke. Gotcha!

Moms- what are some of the most ridiculous products that you’ve discovered?

Wordless Wednesday- Hot Damn!

19 Jan

Don’t mind me. I’m just having a mild heart attack.

You can learn more about why this photo is a really big deal here.

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